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Over the last two weeks I’ve taken out two great looking girls, one of them in particular was simply stunning.  Okay stunning is too strong a word, but if you saw her on the street you would definitely take a second and third look!

So first question – what on earth are they both doing on an internet dating site?  I asked them both, and the standard answer was given in both cases “I’m so busy, it just seems like a good way to meet someone special.  You can’t meet someone special in a pub or club”.  Fair enough I guess, and I’m pretty much in the same boat.

I took both girls to different places for a drink, both fairly upmarket and classy places.  In both cases we had plenty to talk about, each of us had similar goals and aspirations, we had similar travel stories to tell (both were particularly well travelled) and one could see no reason whatsoever for any of these two girls to be my perfect match.

There’s a problem though… no connection, none at all.  Why not though?  Certainly I was physically attracted to them, very much so.  I liked everything about both of them, but not enough to want to take things further.  Whilst I had no intention of taking things further, I certainly wasn’t the only one, because they haven’t exactly been rushing to contact me in the following days either!

I’ve racked my brain and I can’t for the life of me work out why there was no connection.  Is it something about me and attractive girls?  Is that the problem?  I don’t think so, I’ve dated attractive girls before without any problems.  I think it was just that they were boring to be honest.  Not boring in that you’d fall asleep spending time with them, but boring in that, I don’t know, just not exciting.

Maybe it’s that girls who know they’re very attractive feel they don’t have to try as hard, and rely on their looks to get them through?  Maybe it’s that for years they’ve just had guys want them for their looks, so they’ve ignored everything else?  Perhaps that worked when they were younger, but I suspect if they’re looking for a meaningful relationship they’re going to have to offer up more than their looks.

You know what else this little episode has revealed?  Maybe I’m not as shallow as I once feared I was!

Sounds pretty simple right?  Coffee, movie, dinner, there are plenty of options.  Well yes that’s true, but your first date is a massive thing, most ‘relationships’, especially those initiated over the internet, do not get past the first date.  The location of this date is absolutely critical!

Let’s go through each of the options:

Movie

For…

• Not much!
• If you’re shy, you can spend plenty of time with the other person without having to talk, but what’s the point?

Against…

• Way too long for a first date
• You can’t talk the whole time

Dinner

For…

• Choosing a good restaurant can make you look good
• You can chat over dinner, and when you run out of things to say just start eating!
• You can determine the length of the date as you go.  Not interested in the other person?  No dessert thanks!  Like the other person?  Yes we’ll have the dessert menu thanks.  Yes we’ll have coffee thanks.

Against…

• If you don’t hit it off straight away, you’re stuck with the other person until you finish eating

Coffee

For…

• You can cut it short or drag it out depending on how things are going
• It’s very non-committal and informal

Against…

• There’s a lot of pressure to keep the conversation up, because without conversation you’re first date is going to die very quickly

Drinks

For…

• A bit of alcohol helps anyone loosen up
• As long as you pick a good venue, it’s a nice relaxing place to be, comfortable for both of you
• Free tip:  Pick somewhere with good atmosphere but still quiet enough to chat

Against…

• Don’t be tempted into drinking too much, it never turns out well (unless you both drink too much, then it can turn out to be a fun night!)
• If you go somewhere that’s too loud you’ll have to shout all night, and that’s never cool

What else?

There are other options, and one of my best ever first dates (with someone met online) was actually a game of tennis!  I know that sounds strange for a first date, but it worked a treat!  When you want to talk you just approach the net and chat away, when you’ve run out of material you just go back to hitting the ball!

You need to be able to pull it off though, because if you’re rubbish on the court you’re going to make yourself look bad right from the start.  If you’re dripping wet after fifteen minutes and can’t catch your breath, it’s unlikely your tennis partner is going to think much of you!  If you can’t handle half an hour of mild tennis, how will you be able to handle a night of passion in the bedroom?  Sounds crude perhaps, but you need to think of these things – your partner probably will be!

There are other options for first dates, but listed above are the most common ones.  Personally I’d go with the option of a few quite drinks at a good venue.  As I mentioned, you want somewhere with good atmosphere but not so loud that you’ll be shouting in your date’s ear all night.  But if there’s an opportunity to do something different like tennis (or whatever other sport you have in common) I say go for it!